REfresher's week

This year I have made a promise to myself to be more proactive with my life rather than reactive. Actually live the life that I want to live and not meander on a course that has been laid out by pure circumstance.

Saying that, I came across a rather well known prayer that is going to be my mantra for the upcoming months so that I don't do what I have done for the last two years and coast:

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

A little prayer, a small prayer just to keep me focused and driven and enjoying the life that I have chosen for myself.

"Grant me the Serenity" This year I am not going to panic if this are not going the way in which I want them too. Panic is only coupled with chaos which is something that I definiately want to go without this year. I will be a cool dude(tte)

"Accept the things that I cannot change" Things will happen and have already happened this year that as much as I would like them to change, it's okay if they don't. I've learnt enough over the last two years to know that unrequited anything is okay. Even if you wish that certain people would look around and see how good they have it.

"Courage to change the things I can" This is the final year of my degree. Time to take a bite out of a very small apple that is a career. This is the year to decide what it is that I truly want to to with my life. The final destination is not important, but the route you take is crucial.

As always, what I aim to write is not necessarily close to the final product. A bit like my cooking - it's therapy for the soul.

He's Just Not That Into You or Why I May Break My Valentine's Tradition or Unrequited

I haven't written anything for a while. I should blog more often I know, but sometimes its difficult to express what I haven't admitted to myself in a long time. This is possibly the most personal thing I've ever written but I had to get it out and This is as close to a diary as I am going to get.

This St Valentine's day I may put myself through the emotional torture of watching the chick flick He's Just Not That Into You. Talk about self harming.

Chick flicks released in February serve one purpose and that purpose only - to make you feel bad about yourself. To be fair it is completely our own faults for wanting to see such movies (I refuse to call them films - thats for cinema of more substance). If you're single, these movies helpfully point out that you are alone in the universe and do not have somebody to share this ridiculously over-commercialised day with. If you are in a couple then there is way too much pressure on you to do something romantic. Even when previously in a relationship, I've pretty much ignored St Valentine's day because it is practically pointless. I don't need Clinton's Cards to tell me how much in love with somebody I am. In fact the over pinked, over hearted, over luvved up shops make me automatically want to be alone and watch a violent slasher movie.

Unfortunately this is not the case this year. This year it has gone wrong. And the silly part is that I haven't even been home for two weeks yet. Thats a quick turn around in having your heart broken. That sounds melodramatic. Completely. And if someone else had said it to me I would have told them to just get over it.

But it's true.

And I am scared.

I promised myself that I wouldn't let it affect me and ran away to deal with it all. I thought I had but it seems that I've become my worst nightmare - a Girl. I wish that wasn't true. I really do.

I thought, wished, hoped that it was just a phase that I was going through and that everything would be alright once it passed. If only that had happened.

Last year, I was unfortunate enough to have DIYDx2 Syndrome*. Stuck in a position where any choice made hurt more than the absence of the choice to be made itself. In the end, the choice was kind of made for me. That hurt almost as much as making the choice myself. But having the choice made for me brought on new feelings that I had never really experienced to that extent before - Extreme Jealousy and Betrayal. I did bring it on myself and it wasn't the fault of the other parties involved. It was just me. Last year I did some pretty stupid things, to try to get myself out of the funk that I was in and that just wasn't right. If the right person ever reads this, I apologise. What I did wasn't cool, adult or right in any way and I shouldn't have put you or me in that position. We've become very British about the whole affair but I want to formally apologise. It just wasn't cricket.

2008 was a horrible year. I wasn't the nicest of people to myself, to whom really should I be the nicest person to. I spent a good part of the year away from the situation, forcing myself to make the choice I should have and had a bloody miserable time. I later discovered that trying to remove myself from the situation altogether made me feel worse than actually being in it.

I used the time away, not necessarily to forget but to forgive myself over what I had put myself through and allowed myself to be through. I thought I had got through it. Evidently from recent events I haven't. Don't get me wrong I've come to terms with the way it seems things now have to be and that I'm okay with that. Really. But I'd rather put myself back in that situe knowing what I know now than not at all. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. This is becoming cathartic. I wish I could say this out loud but the non-girl in me restrains me. Although I did play second fiddle for what seems like a very long time I did find myself having what Answers.com describes as "A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness." - but I don't think that I will ever be able to express that openly. I wish I was gutsy enough.

I want to go back to the ways things were 2 years ago. Before it was complicated. Before I was affected by very girly concepts and before I let myself in for a world of pain. Again this sounds real melodramatic. I think it may be possible to do that. But only if I admit to myself why it hurt so bad.

I think that may be why recent events didn't go so well. We both want the relationship that prospered when we first met but without the difficulties of the past year. I reckon we can do it if I can admit to myself how I feel and then finally let it go. This may not be what you particularly want to hear but I hope this goes someway to explain properly whats been going on in my head.

This started of as a blog but seems to have ended up as a letter. Sorry

*Damned if you do, Damned if you Don't.

Stupidity (otherwise known as Comedy) and the British Media do not go hand in hand

Almost everyone has as Microsoft account. Regardless of it hotmail/msn/live or whatever else you sign up to. The irritating thing is, when you login (if you have a UK account) is the silly thing tells you what is laughing referred to as "news".

For example, yesterday - "Mike Tyson proposes to Big Brother's Aisleyne"

Today - "BBC 'regrets' Chris Moyles jokes"

The self hailed "Saviour of Radio One" is trouble for making rather inappropriate jokes. They weren't funny and I'm not even going to bother to repeat them because they were at best - dumb (see msn.co.uk).

What gets my goat (if I had one) is the stupidity of the man. The one thing that ITV's Tough Gig (a highly underrated show) has taught us is this - KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE!

I've not been in the country and even I know that if you are being broadcast (even more so if its live) you need to be careful of what you say and anticipate the reaction to it. Which is now I'm about to launch into an tirade that is 3 months late but (it seems) still relevant:

The Russell Brand and Andrew Sachs Affair

First off, I am neither a fan of Brand or Ross and in terms of how this affects them I already know the answer (not a single bit). However, the whole hoo haa surrounding the pair ringing up Andrew Sachs and leaving messages on his answerphone was not their fault.

I completely agree that it was an insanely stupid thing to do for which, the two, like naughty schoolboys brought before the headmaster, apologised for. The incident should have been dealt with by internal review with the recording never seeing the light of day. That is what producers are for.

Producers (whether for TV, Film or Radio) are the parents of a product. They nurture its well being and nip bad behaviour in the bud so that the end result can flourish and be something to be proud of when it graduates into the world become what is referred to as "culture". When a child is always the reflection of the parents. It's true that one cannot always prevent the happenings of a live broadcast however with a prerecord there is no excuse.

Even so the the production company of the now infamous show are not solely to blame. If producers are the parents, then broadcasters are the teachers, police and politicians. Of course I am speaking metaphorically and not literally. They stop this behaviour from being the norm and decide what is respectable to be broadcast. The clue is in the name. In this respect, I hate to say it but the BBC have done appallingly.

However, rather than jump on the bandwagon that is being driven by the Daily Mail in an attempt to return to the "Golden Age" of comedy and restrict the TV licence I say that the BBC has treated its 'talent' (I use the term loosely) again appallingly. Now scared by everything, the Corporation is self editing to within an inch of its life, trying to shift the blame. The following news stories regarding Jeremy Clarkson, or Frankie Boyle (which to be fair was mentioned in a segment called "what the Queen would never say") were for the most part completely unnecessary, not to mention the publicity whoring that Sachs' own granddaughter put herself through.

The BBC has done more for culture, education, entertainment and comedy than the Daily Mail have or ever will do and it is disappointing that a tabloid has decided to try and destroy that.

In a week where everyone will be looking more closely at what is spilling out of the "electronic babysitters" as a result of Ross' return to our screens and Brand's return to Blighty, Moyles should be hit with a gigantic stick for not taking care of every idiot syllable that falls from his lips. And that is not because I do not like his show. He could be on TV and Radio 24/7 and I still wouldn't write into OFCOM. I would do the rational thing and switch off.

We are now in a post Sachsgate Britain where if you think you are funny and entertaining, you will be monitored. If what you broadcast is likely to make offence - do the decent thing and SHUT UP! It's not difficult. Or at least wait until the country is sane again and the Daily found another campaign to flog.

To all those complaining that as a result of the TV licence, one does not have a choice, you do - There are buildings dying out across Britain that are filled with things that one can hold, understand and are surprisingly portable. They are called libraries and the objects are books. If you really want to go back to a "Golden Age" I suggest you check them out.

The Best of Friends (this generation and the next)

Being half an only child means that I only am I completely unique but that I also have one biological sibling in the world* who is 12 years my senior . Therefore, as I have grown up there are a few members of the global society who I refer to as "family".

Now, the family I speak of is not the large group of people that I was genetically born into, but the truly exceptional people that I call my best friends. This blog is dedicated to them.

In the last 5 years, I have known several people who have had the next generation massing at their hips and in my opinion, thoroughly unprepared and were being ill advised. However, all these young men and women were not who I would call my true friends. It's true, I'm from a part of East London where teenage pregnancy is rife and I went to sixth form in an area that had the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the country.

However, it's argued that who you are is born into you but the person who you become, you inherit from those around you. In that case, I inherited an embezzlement of riches.

Now for the Naming and Shaming!

Primary School - Aadam and Charlie (who was then and always will be known as Charles) are the two who stick out from the waterfall of kids who flowed from South Grove to Kelmscott.

Secondary School - Chesney, Dayna and Jade - I think its safe to say that the four of us were more or less inseparable.

These 5 became the pentagon that I based my knowledge of the world on and although I haven't seen them as often as I should have, I am grateful for having had the experience of a childhood with them.

Theatre train - Aneka, Tanya, Keilah, Jo, Danielle, Quiana, Latoya, Keisha, Jamie and Daine. These guys were and still are referred to as my family. We have all gone in separate ways but still keep in relative contact. Drama School was once a week but at the time it seemed like the most important thing ever. Waking up at silly o'clock in the morning to travel to the West End to rehearse with a musical director who when angry resembled a tomato and really feel like an ethnic minority on a stage with 200 other teenagers, now, does not seem like the best way to spend a Saturday, but at the time, it was something to look forward to. Three of our number have now gone on to procreate. And I for one, could not be more pleased. These three strong independent and rational minded women know what life is and have some idea of what to expect. They haven't decided to just fulfil a stereotype and statistic. They've gotten (or are nearing the end of) their education and I am immensely proud of them.

Sixth Form - Addi and B. B I have to say is one of the most level headed people that I have ever met and has a resolve tougher than Jeremy Paxman. Apart from the obsession with Travis, I admire her with every core of my being. I probably don't say it enough, but as soon as I am back in the UK I will be buying her a ticket to my humble abode and force her not to refuse. We have serious catching up to do. (be ready to accept!)

Addi and I have a somewhat complicated relationship which has gone up and down like a roller coaster but at this point in time, is on an up. Although I don't think that he realises it I've learned a lot from him and should know that he is the only person that I have officially introduced to my family (genetic and chosen).

Finally - University - In alphabetical order - Chris, David, Mark and Stacey. I've know you for now 18 months and it gets better every day. People say that "the best years of your life are when you are at school" they are wrong. The best days of your life are when you are a student. Man, am I glad that I have you guys.

I mean no disrespect to those that I knew way back when who were having kids, but I have to say all of my best friends have made smart decisions and I am proud to have them as peers and role models. Apparently "Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you are going to get". If you surround yourself the chocolate flavours that you love, then the outcome no matter what will be good. So Ferrero Rocher all round I say.

*those of you who know me very well will realise that illogical statement does actually make sense.

Learn to Say Yes

Finally a HAHA comedy!

Film adaptation are tricky beasts to tame. No matter the outcome there will always be two camps - those who remain faithful to the book and those who adore the film.

Now a year ago, I had heard of a radio producer who had, in a series of astounding events ended travelling the world with his then flatmate searching for 54 people who shared the name Dave Gorman. Shortly after this escapade or "stupid boy project" began, came a BBC television programme and a book. The book was an epistle of sorts chronicling one who was excited by the epic before them (Gorman) and one who was resistant (Wallace). This tale led me to other writing par each of the duo, including the now cinematic "Yes Man".

"Yes Man" was warm, funny, and more importantly identifiable. The rut that Danny Wallace had found himself in, many people could find within their day today lives.

So, it's suffice to say that I was sceptical. Film adaptations of really good books almost always fall short of the mark. So when I heard that a film of Yes Man was being made, I cringed. Is it possible to ruin a such a charming tale? And a true story at that? Then the rumours began to filter through... Jim Carrey to star in the Danny Wallace character...Made by Warner Brothers... Set in the US...etc To my mind only one Brit comic book has been able to translate itself to film and across the Atlantic without losing itself and that's Nick Hornby's "High Fidelity". "Yes Man" had a lot to live up to.

Boy did it succeed.

Moving to France means that not only do all English films come with subtitles (in French) but they are released later than the UK. Therefore I missed its opening when I visited family in London and ended up seeing it a month later in a cinema on the Champs Elysée.

Not doing the typical "popcorn and ice cream" do in the cinema but rather the "highly priced but worth it pasta and bread sticks" affair, me and a good friend, sat down waited for the Jim Carrey film to start.

I'l be honest, it's been 5 years since a really good Carrey film (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) and 9 years since a good Carrey comedy (Me, Myself and Irene), I secretly hoped for his sake that this would be a return to form.

He did not disappoint. The last film I saw with audience interaction was Dreamgirls, when Jennifer Hudson was given a standing ovation for that song. Yes Man had people coughing up their popcorn, snorting their drinks and chortling through the tears (okay that last one might have been just me).

The laughs came thick and fast, not guilty laughs, you had to be there laughs, but actual Santa Claus, you had to hold your stomach HO HO HO-ing. Yes Jim Carrey looks older and not wiser but who cares? Yes Man is a great way to start 2009.

In comparison to the book, the plot and the characters have changed. But the essence is still there. That's the important thing. By the end you do still want think about what would happen if you say "yes" to more things instead of the frequently reached for "no". The film does hammer this point home more than the book but you end up laughing so hard it doesn't matter.

My only query is this - to the writers. Congrats on a well executed plot that wasn't difficult to follow and was actually funny without depending on a comedian to make the script stand up. At the end of the second act, the pace, feeling in fact, everything kind of hurtled to a snail's pace. Like a rom-com writer was drafted in to finish a simple comedic script. The romance element was pushed to the front in importance like an afterthought. The point of the tale was not how Carl met Alison, but how Carl improved his live by being open to things. Saying that, its only noticeable because up until that point I cannot fault it.

Lots of films have suffered from ARCS (Afterthought Rom Com Syndrome), Chaos Theory and Definitely Maybe being two of them (in the last year).

As for Yes Man -  definitely a DVD option.